Live Love Laugh

'If Men Were Like Buses, How Do I Catch One?'
> by Michelle McKinney Hammond.
>
> > >
> > > Cherish your journey and hope you gain God's wisdom from this
> > > synopsis. If men were like buses, how do you catch one?
> > > A more important questions is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?
> > > Simple: You take only the bus that's headed the RIGHT direction.
> > >
> > > First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And
> > > second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and
> > > intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional one.
> > > What about love? you ask.
> > > I'll tell you why. 'The heart is deceitful above all things and
> > > beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9).
> > > The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not
> > > consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to
> > > love!
> > > Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: 'Above all
> > > else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life' (Proverbs
> > > 4:23).
> > >
> > > Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check
> > > out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating
> > > exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe
> > > that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then
> > > marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in agreement
> > > and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship
> > > follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively -
> > > it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the
> > > marriage altar. It is a period of laying foundation and preparing
> > > your life together after marriage.
> > > But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather
> > > facts. So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to
> > > clothes
> > > shopping.
> > >
> > >
> > > 1. Check out the fabric.
> > > Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate
> > > relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care
> > > what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as
> > > well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an
> > > important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed
> > > relationship.
> > >
> > > Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the
> > > family of God? Scripture is clear on this: 'Do not be yoked
> > > together with unbelievers.
> > > For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what
> > > fellowship can light have with darkness?' (2 Corinthians 6:14).
> > >
> > > You need to have common interest and values and agree on the
> > > essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk.
> > > You eat the same diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You
> > > have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic
> > > life issues.
> > > You have had like experiences in your background. Though there
> > > is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded
> > > folks fare better together.
> > >
> > > Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be
> > > married and your dreamboat isn't interested, don't waste your time.
> > > Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get
> > > married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order.
> > > So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his
> > > words seriously. If he's not going your direction, get off the bus
> > > & wait for the right one.
> > >
> 2.. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you?
> > > The man who is right for you will pursue you and God's hand in
> > > the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead
> > > ends.
> > > Scripture says: 'He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives
> > > favor from the Lord' (Proverbs 18:22). Note - who finds whom?
> > > THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE.
> > >
> > > From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women
> > > across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME,
> > > He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's
> > > perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam
> > > has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not
> > > need to
> > > strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a
> > > guy out because he's shy. Men will do whatever they have to do to
> > > get what they truly want.
> > >
> > > The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great
> > > price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to
> > > gain
> > > your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take
> > > it as a sign that he is not interested.
> > > Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to
> > > marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that
> > > sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about
> > > it: 'We love him because he first loved us' (1 John 4:19).
> > >
> > > Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch
> > > of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.
> > > You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to
> > > select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be
> > > just as awful as the wrong man at any time.
> > >
> > > So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker.
> > > Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again - WAIT
> > > until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in
> > > establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is
> > > the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the
> > > relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your
> > > first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to
> > > follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the
> > > relationship.
>
> 3.. The man in your life should not desire to move into your
> > > house, only into your heart.
> > > A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions
> > > clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of
> > > a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to
> > > have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to
> > > be a suitable lover for you.
>
> 4.. Check out his buddies.
> > > Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet
> > > most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends.
> > > A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven't
> > > seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might
> > > be hidden whenhe is on good behavior.
> > > Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don't stay
> > > focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!
>
> 5.. Check out his relationship with his mother.
> > > How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you.
> > > There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship
> > > with their mothers, really don't like women, yet say they do.
> > > Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.
>
> 6.. Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he's cut.
> > > Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man
> > > in Your life to look like his present family situation.
> 7.. Check out the patterns of his life.
> > > Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom?
> > > Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments? Including the
> > > job market? Unstable emotionally? Is a problem always someone
> > > else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he
> > > keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation?
> > > Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but
> > > with wear, some begin to unravel.
> > > Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life.
> > > Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right
> > > stuff.
>
> 8.. Does this man have a vision for his life?
> > > Is he running with that vision?
> > > Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING
> > > his assignment.
> > > As we saw Adam, a man doesn't need help until he is busy doing
> > > what he was created and called to do.
> > > Is your guy guided by a sense of destiny and purpose, or does he
> > > just allow life to happen around him?
> > > A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable
> > > person - and you'll be miserable too if you don't know where YOU
> > > want to go in life.
> > >
> > > A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission
> > > statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and
> > > assistant because he wants you both to make it!
> > > A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he
> > > is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a
> > > healthy partner to have and to hold forever.
> > > Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way
> > > to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will
> > > resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he
> > > associates you with.
> > >
> > > You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ.
> > > Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader
> > > of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you,
> > > redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is
> > > the man God has ordained for you to complement.
>
> 9.. Complementary.
> > > Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts
> > > complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two
> > > of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the
> > > lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate
> > > your gifts in an attractive and effective way?
> > >
> > > This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your
> > > hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping always consider
> > > the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my
> > > next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have?
> > > If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching
> > > accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack.
> > > It is too expensive a proposition.
> > >
> > > If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely
> > > reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to
> > > consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship
> > > expensive spiritually, emotionally or physically? Does your longing
> > > for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process?
> > > Or does he see you as the gift that you are?
> > >
> > > The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a
> > > priceless jewel - because of you he is getting ready to get blessed
> > > big time!
> > > Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely,
> > > unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too
> > > expensive!
> > >
> > > God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only
> > > materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well.
> > > You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with
> > > the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich
> > > deposits into your heart and spirit, not JUST withdrawals.
> > > 10.. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself?
> > > Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past
> > > relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for
> > > himself is how he will care for you.
> > >
> > > A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for
> > > himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not
> > > something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher.
> > > That is out of spiritual order.
> > >
> > > In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading
> > > you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to
> > > compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading
> > > you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your
> > > commitment
> > > to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the lover
> > > of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to
> > > pay
> > > for a ride that has a limited and unpredictable run on this side of heaven.
> > >
> > > If you and your man can't soar in the spirit, when the force of
> > > your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the
> > > world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How
> > > much is your life worth? How much is your love worth?
> > >
> > > You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God
> > > himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth
> > > His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets
> > > the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His
> > > bride.
> > > Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the biblical
> > > age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they
> > > desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything
> > > worth having, COSTS. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.
> > >
> > > Your prayer:
> > >
> > > Dear Heavenly Father,
> > >
> > > I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should've
> > > been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has
> > > caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my
> > > heart into Your hands for safekeeping.
> > >
> > > Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so
> > > precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn
> > > from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like what your
> > > help. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me.
> > >
> > > As I embrace You as the lover of my soul, keep my affections in the
> > > haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more
> > > discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over
> > > this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my
> > > heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all
> > > who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day You
> > > present me to the mate that You have selected for me.
> > >
> > > Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me.
> > > Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according
> > > to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on
> > > my own understanding.